Reverb 10 Day 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
Healing is such a hard thing for me to discuss because what I need healing on is such a personal issue. It is healing from being hurt and deceived by someone very close to me. Someone that I trusted and believed in. But I have been working on the healing. It has been hard. So very, very hard. There is still a lot of anger. There is still a lot of resentment. But I know that I need to give both of these things up or I will never heal. I will never be whole again.
There are days that are good. Days that I forget all of the anger. Days that I forget the resentment and hurt. Days that I finally feel whole again. Days that I am my old self. The one that was happy, the one that had hope and believed in people. The old me that trusted and loved easily. This is how I know that I am finally healing...the good days far outnumber the bad days. It has not always been that way.
Part of my healing is finding a good balance between the "old" me and the "new" me, a balance that doesn't include anger and resentment. A healed me will be one that can move forward from my experience, and while not forgetting what happened, I will be able to learn from it.
And I will be healed one day. I know it deep down inside. I know it in my core. I will completely forgive. I will not hold resentment in my heart. I will be whole again. It is my wish for myself. It is what I want more than anything right now.
I will be healed, I just know it...I need for it to happen. For me. For my son. For my husband and my marriage. It will happen one day...I just know it. 2011 will be a great year. A year of continued healing. I see it happening. I see it and I believe it.