Friday, February 25, 2011

Fear

Fear.

Complete fear and nervousness.

It's what I am full of right now. Every time my cell phone rings with a number that I don't recognize I fear that it will be more bad news. The last few weeks have been full of test after test and appointment after appointment to try to get to the bottom of what is making my son ill and what is making his stomach hurt. Blood tests, fecal tests, an ultrasound and more. So far we have been told that he has either Crohns disease or ulcerative colitis and probably celiac disease. But no definitive answer yet and that is just killing me. I just want to know...not just be told "possibly" or "probably." I can't stand seeing my baby in pain and I want to fix it, but I can't until I know how...and so far I haven't been told how because we don't have a diagnosis yet. I just want to fix it...mommy's are supposed to be able to fix everything aren't we?

So, On Monday my baby boy has yet another trip to the hospital. A trip that includes more tests, biopsies and putting my baby under anesthesia. An endoscopy & colonoscopy. Those words are haunting my dreams...they are not tests that a 4 year old should have to endure, but they are the reason for our trip to the hospital.

And with this trip I am yet again filled with fear.

Fear of my baby boy remembering all of this, fear of waiting and fear for the possible results.

5 comments:

  1. Wow! I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your family...

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  2. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I stopped over from the ftlob comment hop by the way. My sister has crohns and my brother in law has ulcerative colitis, and both of them have found some ways to deal with it in their lives, if that offers any consolation!
    Also, my parents are in Arizona and I'm going to visit them- any places that you think I should check out? They are slightly northwest of Phoenix.

    Hope you have a good Sunday, hang in there!
    Meri
    merigoesround.blogspot.com

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  3. Oh my goodness, your poor baby! I think mommies hurt even more than their little ones over things like this! My heart goes out to you!

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  4. I'll be praying that you get answers soon and your baby boy won't have to suffer any longer. Hang it there! On that note, you are so sweet to have left me a comment and support me after my loss when you are going through so much yourself. I'll never forget your kindness...

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